Still Missing You

This is a poem I wrote back in January of 2006. Just a few short months after my fiance' lost his fight with cancer..


How is it that time slipped away from us?
Wasn't it yesterday we were laughing together?
Life was so much simpler then, living with no fuss.
My fantasy world believed that it would last forever.

I closed my heart to the possibility of you going away.
Living is such a struggle without you here.
I'd give the world to have you back one more day.
For some reason, though, God must need you near.

There's so much I need to say, so much to tell you.
Like how much I love you, you are my heart!
To tell you how I appreciate all you taught me, too.
You helped me find a part of me, giving me a new start.

My heart was full but my spiritual side was lacking
So, in essence I was empty until you showed the way.
There's so much else I learned from being with you, darling.
With you I found joy, happiness. I found love every day.

But without you here, it's lost. Everything is empty.
Every day I put on a smile and tell everyone I'm alright.
But it's not true, if they looked in my eyes they'd see.
That just to get up some days is a tremendous fight.

I think when you left, a part of me also died.
I'm not sure who I am anymore, or what I need to do.
Letting go isn't easy, so many times I have tried.
People say your spirits with me, perhaps that's true.

You'll always be a part of me, that will never change.
Yet somehow I must find the strength to once again see.
That this life of mine I need to try and rearrange.
To learn to live in this moment, to learn to simply be.

I know that's what you would want, you tried to help me see.
Life was just a part of your journey, death just another phase.
You lived so long in pain, you longed to be painfree.
Wait for me, my love. I'll be joining you one day.

My time isn't here yet. I know you tried to make me understand.
That I have so much living yet to do before I can go home.
And even though I can't see you, you are still holding my hand.
By my side you will be, no matter where I may roam.

When I remember that, it helps to lift my sorrows.
Not a day goes by though, that I wish I had some clue.
As to how to face today, and all of my tomorrows.
Because, to be honest dammit - I'm still missing you!

~~ Dreamweaver ~~